just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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