I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
