dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
