That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
