if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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