I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone shattered a urinal.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
