your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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