I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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