He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
