My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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