hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
