i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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