whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
