i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
