should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
