i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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