Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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