Your face is a jimmy john
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
