I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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