I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
