You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
