There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
