Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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