if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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