dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
