HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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