the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
