Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
