can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
