we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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