I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
