69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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