a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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