im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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