all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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