theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
