i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
