Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
