Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
