chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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