i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So. Much. Porn.
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