Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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