Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
