I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
