hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
