I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
