Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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