were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i barfeds in our rink
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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