He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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