i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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