why didn't you poke me back
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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