South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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