He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
