Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
