I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
